Hope for Caregivers
Can I make something? Can I be there?
-By Camille Pitre
There is no greater honor than to be able to care for a loved one thru illness, whether it be a terminal illness or not. To be a person they trust, when they are the most scared, vulnerable, and needy, is humbling indeed.
As a family physician in my rural hometown in southeast Louisiana for 28 years, I, unfortunately, saw illness and death in so many ways. Each illness is different, the role you play varies, and what the patient needs depends on their diagnosis, faith, and support. I was sometimes the last to support them as they pass and am the first to support their loved ones after they pass. I don’t think I could have been that person for them, had I not had faith that they were going to a better place, empathy/ sympathy for what they were going through, or hope to carry me through their journey with them.
Countless times I was in “the right place at the right time”—although someone else may think “the wrong place at the wrong time”. I truly believe that God uses us and as the quote above reminds us, I believe He puts us in the place we are meant to be, at the time we are meant to be there, doing what He wants us to be doing. Praying that God gives me the words, look, and touch that this person needs, before I enter a room, has guided me at times I thought I wouldn't have that faith or sympathy or hope. Humbling, indeed.
Potsy with her Beautiful Cousin, Janet.
My vocation gave me experience with dying and death, but I got a whole different experience when it was someone close to me, a dear family member.
I had SO MANY QUESTIONS:
How then do I find the words, the look, the touch —when it isn't a short-term commitment, like a patient in the hospital, but it is a 6-8 month commitment at their home?
Why did they have to get this horrible disease—cancer?
Why can some people be caregivers and others can not?
How can I make this commitment away from my own family, to help take care of my family?
How will God use me?
What if I can’t do it well, or can’t do it at all?
But my loved one had faith in me as a caregiver. She sympathized with me being away from my family and she shared her hope that she would be around long enough to do some things that were very important to her. She trusted me to take her to doctor appointments, bathe her, cook for her. She believed in my strength to get her to places and to events she really enjoyed. She appreciated my commitment to her and to her children, and she thanked me when I left after my “shift” and let me know she looked forward to my return. Her daughter said she laughed more, ate better, and rested more peacefully when I was there.
What an honor and a privilege to be there for her when she was her most scared, vulnerable and needy.
And what did I get from my time with her? How could I ever thank her for all the gifts she gave me? She gave me her time, words, looks, and touch. My loved one challenged me to be a better person every day. She brought me back to exploring my faith and spending time with God. She brought me closer to her daughters, my sister, and my aunt. She made me slow down and look at the little things in life. She opened me up to new music, new places, and new people. She helped me through my first 6 months of retirement and helped me overcome the emotions from all the destruction from Hurricane Ida. She helped me revisit what I really want for the rest of my life.
So were my questions answered?…. Not really, but they didn't need to be. When you love someone and are called on to be there for them, questions seem to answer themselves through the process of living.
If I can offer anyone encouragement in their role as a caregiver I would say, listen to your heart. Pray for the words, look, touch. Have faith that God is using you in roles that only you can fill. Allow yourself to be comfortable being a person that your loved one trusts when they are scared, vulnerable, or needy. Be humble. Accept the gift of that person’s time, however short or long it may be. Appreciate your time, talent, and treasure, and use it to love others. Embrace the honor of being a caregiver. Slow life down and make great memories with your little circle of loved ones. And, remember to eat, drink, rest, and have time for yourself.
I read the following quote at my loved one’s funeral— she definitely inspired me.
“So live, that your life may be an inspiration to all those whose lives will be touched by yours.”
Dr. Camille, or Potsy, as her family affectionately calls her, is one of the most remarkable people I know. She was an incredible physician with intuitive and learned skills but it was her empathy, sympathy, compassion, and humor that made her an incredible legend in the community she served. I am honored to call her my friend. We are all honored that she shared a bit of her heart with us in this Story of Hope. Happy Retirement, Camille. I’d say - have fun, but I know you always find a way to do just that.
Love,
Tina
