What Was Really Important
—Martin ‘Curly’ Hafer
I want to thank Martin for sharing his very personal and scary story with us in true Martin-style, with humor and complete openness. For that, we are all the better for it. Thank You! He told me while discussing his Story of Hope that his goal is to spread awareness because that achieves the ultimate goal; saving lives. Martin has already done both.
Maybe, you can too, by sharing his Story of Hope.
-Tina
“It’s odd. It was the best time of our lives…and then the worst! In 1990, my wife and I were on top of the world.”
We had excellent jobs, a nice new home, and a baby on the way. Things couldn’t get much better. But only a month after our daughter was born, I began having pain in my left testicle. I wasn’t worried. After all, infections like Epididymitis are pretty common for guys…and I’d had it a few years earlier. However, our childbirth teacher a few months before had given us a little lecture on testicular and breast cancer awareness….so I knew not to delay. So, when I did a self-exam, I noticed a small lump.
“…before the surgery, a nurse came running past her holding some sort of bag and saying very loudly “we found one!”
Later that night, when I awoke, my wife was, of course, thereby my side. I asked her how everything went…and she said fine except for one odd thing…. before the surgery, a nurse came running past her holding some sort of bag and saying very loudly “we found one!”. Yes, that was my replacement testicle…and we had to laugh when I explained to her what happened.
Following the surgery, the doctor assured my wife, Karen, that I would be fine. After all, the tumor was the smallest he’d ever seen AND it appeared benign. So, I should go home and recover….it was all over.
“The problem was that I was so sick and could do nothing to help my poor overwhelmed wife.”
A week later, we got THE phone call. The tumor, it turned out, was NOT benign AND it was the worst possible type of cancer…. and I needed to get to the hospital as soon as I could for surgery number two.
Now I need to put things in perspective. My wife was recovering from having a baby and she was out of work…and now I was as well and would be for several months. And, they were now talking about cutting me open and removing the lymph nodes in my stomach and chest…a difficult surgery and one with a much longer recovery time. And, worst of all, it meant chemo…lots of chemo.
“Overall, this experience was difficult and humbling. But it also let us know how blessed we were to have such supportive friends and neighbors.”
The worst part of this wasn’t the surgeries or the chemo (though I didn’t look particularly sexy bald…I looked a lot like one of the Three Stooges). The problem was that I was so sick and could do nothing to help my poor overwhelmed wife. She had a newborn and a completely helpless husband to take care of and bills to pay…lots of bills. Needless to say, it was a very, very tough time for us. And, we had to accept that we needed to ask folks for help…such as making meals, providing some babysitting, and even help in bathing and dressing me.
That was 31 years ago. Since the treatment, we had another daughter and our lives have gotten much better. My wife eventually reinvented herself and is the best-selling romantic suspense author, Karen Rose. As for me, the experience changed how I interacted with my clients (I was a social worker and psychotherapist) and, later, my students when I began teaching. How? I made sure to lecture everyone about the importance of self-exams and cancer awareness, as it saved my life. Amazingly, one of my clients DID turn out to have testicular cancer as well…and he might not have survived had I not pushed him…like the childbirth coach pushed me. After all, you can’t delay when it comes to cancer.
Overall, this experience was difficult and humbling. But it also let us know how blessed we were to have such supportive friends and neighbors. And, oddly, it also seemed to strengthen our marriage….much of it because it put things into perspective and helped us realize what was really important.
